Dreaming of Sheep

I slept well last night, after the rugby team left my luxurious room in one of London's top hotels. I've got loads of cash and can afford it.

I awoke refreshed and rejuvinated. Straight away I called my top ace legal team. I told them that they had to put the Oxford Mail and it's reporters under round the clock surveillence. Their articles on me were clearly designed to harrass, intimidate and abuse me. How dare they write about a trial they didn't attend? I can, naturally, but not the abusive and malicious media mongooses. They're clearly justice perverts. The same with the Times. I've also instructed my legal experts to 'put a tail' on Rupert Murdoch.

The receptionist who answered the phone listened to my reasonable requests and, knowing their import and that I am NOT a timewaster immediately said "Of course we will, right away. Now is there anything else we can do for you? Issue a warrant for Prince Charles arrest perhaps?"

I noted the idea. It seems like they may have made some more discoveries. I'll wait until they can fully brief me, so I simply told her not to bother with the arrest warrant 'just yet' and told her that I would be in touch, but she's already put the phone down. No doubt keen to get on with the serveillence right away.

That's how good they are. I'm in safe hands, I can tell, I've got an instinct about this.