Wombats in the Mist

I have been under attack from some frenzied baboon brained ripperologists. I suppose it's the price I have to pay, but it does get rather tiresome. I had to intervene, if only to save them even more embarrassment at their abusive and mocking.

I was gentle, I used light humour although I had to chide them for their monkeyish behaviour, I did this in a kind way. "F*** OFF!" I joked, giggling to my self, whilst they carried on with their banana biting baboon ways.

Sheesh, haven't these fools not got a thesis to write? Obviously not, the poor dears. They descend into disgusting abuse and libel. Well, hard luck again. Your stupid idea is not bringing about a boo hoo from me. It is not that hard to deal humourously with you. And I am extremely grateful to my lawyer for his endless kindness, humour and support.

Speaking of whom, I decided to notify my lawyer about the gibbonery and timtomfoolery being conducted by vicious gibbons bent of a sad course of law abuse and spiteful malicious goonery. I thought it right that they know and that I am steadfastly defending them as lawyers are notoriously bad at defending themselves, just like a baby duckling when a troop of bloodthirsty boababs descent on it's nest.

I rang my lawyers at 9am to inform them of this abuse and to demand that they remove the evil libel stalk blog from the internet.

There must have been something worng with the switchboard because I kept getting cut off. I called every ten minutes to see if they had fixed the fault until just after 11am the fault seemed to be corrected and I was put through to their Top Receptionist. A highly qualified receptionist. One with real grace and beauty and a thoroughness that made me ask if she was also a secret researcher when we were introduced. She looked puzzled and gave me a sweet smile, like a fawn waking on a sunny Autumnal morning in a forest glen by a gentle babbling brook.

I told her this and she seemed touched.

"Are you feeling...", she paused and I could see her searching for the right word - another sign of a serious researcher, "... special today?"

"I feel special every day", I replied. She said that this didn't surprise her and we exchanged a 'look' something bonding between the two of us as though we had touched each others souls in this precious little conspiratorial moment between us. It was tender, it was loving, it was over in seconds.

Today, I picked up a vibe from her that was a bit different, as though she was worried about me, something in her manner suggested she wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible so she could go and start the legal moves turning on my behalf. Clearly she understood that I was here on important business.

Unfortunately my lovely lawyer was busy on something else and couldn't get to speak to me, even for afew seconds. That's why I like him - and it's only like, you sick perverts - because he is a great humanitarian and is professional enough not to show favouritism, even towards me, his best, most beautiful and fascinating client.

The top receptionist made a quick note of my demand that the horrible henry website should be taken down immediately. I also asked about how plans were going to sue the Daily Telegraph, the Daily Mail, The Guardian, The Times, the Oxford Mail, The Melbourne Sun, Taipei Today, The Ohio Gleaner, Tuavu Daily, Lithuania Now!, What's on in Jeddah and the notorious Good Morning Ouagadougou.

The Top Receptionist said she would make a note. I asked her if, as a cheeky favour between us girlies, if she could put me through to my lawyer, but she reminded me "He's got a life" and put the phone down. Of course he has, that's what makes him so wonderful, so beautiful. Such a sweet man. I wonder what research he had to do to become a lawyer? I must ask him about this because I'm sure I can give him some good advice and words of wisdom that he would appreciate and learn from. What a team we would make. *Sigh*

Meanwhile the ripperologist creeps continued their self justification in the extreme nastiness. The pomposity. These fools have solved nothing. I have. They spend all their time on the internets attacking each other maliciously and abusively.

Thank you baby Jesus for not making me like that.

Thier vicious nastiness continued throughout the day. I took the reasonable and totally justifiable step of defending myself from their libel and their nonsense and goonery on their vicious hate stalk blog.

I kept calling my lawyers office with updates and suggesting, in a kind and gentle way that they should download the horrible blog. Eventually, at 4pm, I was able to get through to their Most Important Intern who told me to stay away from the blundering baboon buffoons and their billious blog.

Six hours later, I did so.