Osama Bin Boring

The whole world is bored to tears by the ongoing fuss and palaver over terrorism and it's going all hummity ho hum whenever the tedious obsessives continue their tiresome and deadly dull analysis over al Qaeda and so forth. Who are they? Where's bin Laden? What are they planning next? How do we stop them?

What a bunch of boringy woringy tundras of tedium questions are they. Pathetic. A fad. A mere passing interest of no relevence to anything going on in the world today. Nothing of even slight interest. not worth wasting a second's thought about. What can be more uninteresting than analysis on a couple of tiny bangs that were made years ago? It's obvious to me, a top researcher that Mr bin Laden is not the messiah but a very naughty boy. We should make them stand in the corner facing the wall until they promise not to fly any more planes into buildings. That's my strategy.

The Jacobites are much more interesting and relevent. Lots of mystery for a real researcher to crack up and laugh their merry way through the case papers.

Much better than all that fannying about with boo ho human rights with their yawn yawn yawnity yawn human rights mob and their pointless obsessions and their farcing and blethering to no effect. Do these people not realise that the ripper murders are the real terrorist threat today. No. Off they go boo hooing around and parading infront of the cameras and their publicity anguish.

I told my lawyers this. They specialise in human rights but they listened to what I said and agreed with me. I told them that I was going to concentrate on Stuart and Jacobean affairs and not the pointless extremely dull, dull human rights fad.

They thanked me profusely.

I warned tham that if they didn't change their ways they would find a cow going MOOO! MOOO! MOOO! in their gardens.

That got them thinking. They continue excellent.