The Joy of Hairdressers

I woke up this morning over burdened by worries about the baying mob That London Woman had set upon me.
I instantly knew something was wrong when I arose from my Italian Gnocci bed and looked out of the window.

There was a cloud in the sky. Not just 'in the sky' but blocking the morning Sun, that provides me with nurture and inspiration. I detected the hand of Dan Hart in this and decided that, to protect me, that I had no choice but to report him to the Meteorological office.

How malicious of this mob to block the Sun with a cloud that constantly harasses me. But what did I expect, these people like operating in the shade, unlike my essential top secret squirrel research that brings true sunlight into the secret world of Jurassic era crime. These crimes will be exposed by me, regardless of the malicious Pre-Cambrian harassment of these evil and ugly neandertals.

Never trust a man with a low brow. It is obvious that PC Weirnat discovered these neandertals living under a glacier and that Dan Hart is providing a cheer squad to bring in hairdriers to melt the glacier.

I have written to the Hairdressers Trade Alliance to put a stop to their evil plans. The THA have already sent me a reply saying that I do not need to contact them again - clearly they are well aware of the vicious mob of malicious saboteurs and are already taking action. I have organised a top team of legal experts to thwart their plans.

This very morning, in a display of syncronicity that only higher souls can recognise and tune into, a Top Nigerian Lawyer wrote to me about a highly sensitive transfer of funds from a previous client. Seeing my chance and recognising a sympathetic soul, I immediately wrote back with my bank details and a photocopy of my passport.

Thank the angels, because Mr Abacha also agreed to take me as a client and represent me in ANY court ANYWHERE in the world. I will beat these malicious saboteurs with my top lawyer. I will get my hard drive returned - whatever a hard drive is. I don't know what it is exactly but I will get one and then my mob of malicious saboteurs will he high and dry in the deep end of the sea.