Thankyou All

Jesus has told me to bless all my supporters and their hundreds and hundreds of supportive messages and emails they've sent. You are my little sunbeams. I've printed them all out.

Needless to say the truly extraordinary malice and stupendous spite continue to be outrageously hurled at me. If having one psychopath stalker blog ( click) isn't enough to deal with, there are now many others. I never go there and I advise you not to. They're... impure. There that's the word. It will only serve to spread confusion and malice around like Lurpak on toast. There's nothing there of interest. I've printed them all out.

I spent all last night on my knees. Praying. Praying about Papa, dear, sweet Papa. I've often told you about how sad it is to see him slip away and how much I want to be by his side, that it's the most important thing in the whole universe to me. That's because I am loving daughter and don't you forget it buster or I'll kick you in the teeth (joke).

You see, this side of me is very important and I try to show it as often as I can. I write down ickle wickle prayers and behave like a little girl when I refer to my papa, have you noticed that? It's something I do to those close to me, like my beautiful baby boy. See, I did it again. He's actually in his mid-twenties but I always talk about him like he's a darling little baby. Some might call this infantilism or in their wicked womble way try to portray it as an inability for form adult relationships, but it isn't.

It's a sign that I am a super lovely and sensitive loving person. If I didn't have my beautiful research, I think I would become a nurse. I have the compassion and tenderness for the job. In spades.

With this in mind I was chatting to Jesus last night, bringing Him up to speed on the finer aspects of my thesis. He's a bit slow, but I think He got there in the end. Anyway, I told him that papa was on his way and I wanted him sorted out Up There.

I enjoy the scriptures, and I reminded Him of the parts where Jesus states that it'll be good to have some scholars in heaven aswell as the desperate, the poor and the needy.

"I qualify there, don't I?" I said.

"Abundantly" he replied. This is the proof that my research is divinely inspired btw.

But back to papa. He won the war by attacking the German Third Army all by himself, armed only with a slide rule and ham sandwich. He was so brave. If Jesus doesn't let him into Heaven I'll be furious with Him. I have no mental problems, I am a qualified psychology grad to boot, but even I have limits to my patience. Especially when people disobey me.

Some people think it odd that I regularly write about my devotion to my papa, but have never actually gone and visited him. I remember the last time I saw him, it was... oh, let me think, erm, well, it was a while ago, but what's that in the life of a man? A mere moment. At least I can express myself on the internet, so much less fuss and faff than these family visits.

I'll send my lawyers round to see papa.