Culture Corner

Her is a drawing I made whilst sitting in the dock at my justice pervert mistrial. You can see the plagues of wombats and merry shrieking abusive ferrets waiting to pounce on my beautiful research. I drew this on some toilet roll I smuggled from the ladies and coloured it in with the crayons my lawyer gives me to plan my appeals.

I wonder what Walter Snickers would have said. Certainly he appreciates someone able to look beneath the obvious and find the underlying truth. I just know that he wouldn't be able to match this. Perhaps he would be a bit jealous. i would comfort him and encourage him to continue with his really lovely work.

This drawing will be on the cover of my research when it is published. First I have to confound the ferrets of the FBI, who are working in hand with the National Archives, Special Branch and the Osmond family.

My legal team are working on the case round the clock and all weekend. They never stop, indeed they are working so hard on my groundbreaking defence that they don't have time to answer my phone calls or emails, no matter how many I send. I find this encouraging as it shows how focussed they are. My lawyers have downloaded so many gibbons, aardvarks, voles and wombats that it is taking a lot of time to ferret out the ferrets.

But I will be victorious and vindicated and the internet conspirators who conspire will be hauled off into jail.

I see that Boris Johnson, author of that hate filled stalker blog about me, has been chosen by his Conservative conspiracy loons, is to stand to be Mayor of London. Clearly my stalkers are using him to take control of London and my beloved Whitechapel in order to destroy evidence of my research that will bring down the government and return the Holy Father Pope Ratty to the English throne.

I think we all know what Walter Snickers would make of all this malicious merry making.