There were two sweet and gentle children, who lived in the sun kissed world of Happy Farm. Their names were Jill and Jen. They laughed and smiled all the time and their kind father, who was a king, showered them with love and lovely unicorns.
Life continued in bliss at Happy Farm and the two girls went to school everyday where they learened all the secrets of the universe and how to make Happy Farm happy and they knew all the Happy People who lived throughout the land.
One day Jill and Jen found their wise and wonderful father king looking a bit worried.
"Are you sad, Daddy Waddy?" Asked Jill.
"Yes I am, because there is trouble in Happy Farm, there are some people who just don't like being happy or anyone else being happy". This was shocking news to the girls, but there was worse to come. They were told of the gibbons who would pull funny faces at people and make them cry and the meerkats who would stop at nothing to make people miserable.
They pleaded with their father, the magician. And king. They would do anything to help Happy Farm.
"It's time to do some serious research!" shouted Jill, running to the special magic box where beauty and truth could be found. Jen started up her automatic electronic miricle writing machine and said "I'm going to write to these gibbons and give them what for".
Their father, the Prince, looked down on them fondly as no man had been blessed with children this wise and clever before. How he loved them. In a good way, not a dirty way. That's the sort of thing meerkats do.
Jen's magical miracle machine spat out letters ten to the dozen and a whole army of racing hamsters carried the missives off to the unsuspecting voles and donkeys. Suddenly Jen was stopped by a huge cry of deep joy and excitement from Jill.
"Gosh! look at this Jen" cried Jill. The magic box has shown me some paintings from Victorian England.
"Crikey!" said Jen.
"Crimminy!" replied Jill. "Look at this painting by Walter Snicket... Can you see that smudge?".
"No"
"That one you dunderhead. There."
"There?" Asked Jen
"No. There".
"Oh yes" said Jen, "I can". "You are really clever forseeing that, your research skills are truly the best in Happy Farm".
Jill explained her serious research. Finding a blotch that looked abit like a gibbon, she managed to deduce, through the best logic and informed thinking in the kingdom, that the gibbons were infact...
Wombats.
Jen shudderred in terror.
Part Two later :)
It would have been quite enough having to deal with the Special Branch PR Unit on it's own. But of course I wouldn't have had to. Exactly what Special Branch officials opposed to my research needed, was for a small pack of stalking abusers to make false allegations about me which they could massively use as a lever to discredit me. In fact, they were fairly desperate for anything to use. And The Met are attempting to do exactly this.
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Time since my stalker threatened to delete this blog 'in an instant':
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